Not from graduation, it was something else. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Why do you care where I get my protein? I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are too tight. Ellen Degeneres: (03:17) [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. She starred in two television sitcoms, Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and The Ellen Show from 2001 to 2002. No, thats not what you do. But yet, so you can see like her hair is soaking wet shes got mud on her face and were So we get down to the bottom and we take a picture with our group that we went with, and you can see the mud where we had all fallen and sank into the mud. We never bought anything. She has dry eye and thats okay. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that [message received noise] [crowd laughs] Id send her this. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. DUSS with my boo bae, tastes like . Nobody should be on anybody elses path. Again! And I looked at the bird and I said: Dont leave, youre safe in here. And the bird looked at me and said: I dont belong in here. And flew out. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. The thing is, I didnt pack correctly. Im not sure. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. Ellen was introduced by Tulane president Scott Cowen. Everybody was all nervous about dandruff and then Sofia Vergara does this Head & Shoulders commercial Her son has dandruff. In 2010, she was a judge on American Idol for its ninth season. Theres no reason for me to have a horn. Garrett, who appears to have since deleted the tweet in question, appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show six times between 2004 and 2007. Deathly allergic. Its amazing, we were poor cause we never had medicine. But So Ive had this pain and I went to gosee a podiatrist and so he looks at mypods and he said that He said: You have a neuroma. And I said: You have a neuroma. I said that to him. Its like [crowd laughs] Doing the bathmat scoot. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. I dont know, I just dont I put it in there. Its really working out for me now. to me. -It is? In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That was a religion we were. The place with all the words? We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. On Wednesday, the daytime show announced that after 19 seasons the final episode will air May 26. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Lets call it sometime mid June. First one is from 1984 jazzercise class I took. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Thats what was wrong because I packed to go on Safari and I looked good. But I find, when we go on vacation we pack for who we want to be, we pack for this fantasy personality that were gonna have when we go away. I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I dont know I am still gay by the way. Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. Go back and watch the special but Anyway, I finished writing it. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. Ellen Degeneres: ( 00:00) Hi, everyone and welcome. She had a gawky, tomboyish persona, but her fans seemed to have no trouble seeing. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. I mean, whenever youre closeted, youre always thinking about it. Every single thing, he remembered. These are good. Yes. Andy Lassner: (00:24) If youre graduating high school, congratulations. 2023. Ellen Degeneres: (06:05) There were fleas everywhere. Oh yeah! Now, theyre carrying animals around with them I There are somany pills. [crowd claps] But I do love these expressions. Fit as a fiddle. Is that a good shape? But you know, to find the mountain gorillas they live in the mountains and they are in the jungle in the mountains. Ellen DeGeneres fans learned Wednesday that the talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. So well, then you can have the chicken? Ill tell you. If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. Like Youre at the doctors office: Ellen, you seem pretty sick. And I should know. And its a jungle out there. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. She started with an announcement to the four million viewers of The Ellen DeGeneres Show: "Goodbye to the resolution to read," she quipped, "and hello to the resolution to be on the front cover of O in '09!" Then the crusade intensified. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (2003) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? Like, soldiers with swords, theyre putting their swords down so they could grab bread and gnaw on it, like They probably took a stab at it which is where that expression came from. In 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood Hills for $1.275 million. 4. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. I think they have been. I really dont like to judge, except forpeople who say libary. You know. We put someone in a box so, you know I think everyone thinksthat all celebrities live exactly the same. High school graduation was my favorite graduation ceremony. Id like someonealready in there before I get in therewaiting. Andy Lassner: (06:21) and it wasntmeant to be funny. And the green beans on the side. In November 2019,. "I learned. Andy Lassner: (06:14) On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. I dont need anything. People People used to take Xanax when they werestressed out. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. There are so many different types of jobs. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Ellen Degeneres: (00:47) No, I mean it, its good material. We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. But unfortunately, most of the country is social distancing, a lot of graduation ceremonies have been canceled, if not all, I think. millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. I was 10 years old. I did not. Complete biography of Ellen DeGeneres . I dont think she did. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Maam. And anyway. Birds it turns out, love music. Theyre flying and they think theyve got it all but they dont. Become a freelancer and work on your own terms. Just Is Ellen wearing a necklace? Where do you get your protein? I just [crowd claps] Ill buy a new car, I dont care. Ellen's talent, personal warmth and insight have earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name. Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. I am not gonna continue to do this the whole time.. The important thing is that youve studied incredibly hard to get to this day. And the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. I mean [crowd laughs] I refuse to be a barbarian anymore. It is." 06 of 10. She may not be gay anymore, I dont know. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. Libary. Ellen DeGeneres has told viewers she is ending her long-running TV show because "I truly have felt like next season was the right time" to bring it to a close. Thats very cool, and look where you are now, huh? It was the only graduation ceremony really. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. I dont understand what fleas do even. But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. Oh. I dont know, I just guessed. I dont know, you know. Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing to her staff in the wake of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment. These are good, I like these. [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure theres nothing in there, in the pockets. I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. Ellen Degeneres: (00:27) Everybodys fine with that. The Suspiria actor made that much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on The Ellen Show. It's all on Hulu. I dont wanna stop you. There was a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way,whos using that hairbrush? Its when I learned that the truth will always win. Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and Is the guy who sliced the bread here? Yeah. Throughout the years, Ellen . Ellen Degeneres: (01:16) Im trying to do What he do, with raise the roof? I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. [crowd claps] If I have a gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar. -Are you in any pain? I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. Section 107, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Im the be-kind girl. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. Thank you. I dont know. We saw the first wave of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the . But I said: What do I do about that? He said: Nothing. Watch Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 Create a better, more engaging experience for every student. Ellen Degeneres: (04:32) Ill wanna have a poncho on. -Yes one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Why do you call it the hand? "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. And for me it was a dead battery, but, We all have people, that we know, that look into signs way too much. This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. 2 Mar. I swore I'd never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . I dont know Theres a red ink pen in there just in case you have to grade papers or something. Im laying on the sofa, I have my phone. Itll put everything in perspective. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. We know that now. I dont know who started that. Yeah, we all have our little quirks. I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car. Lea Thompson. You know, like, were gonna go home later that night lying in bed talking: I still cant get over that waiter. I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. We get a junk drawer. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. I dont know why they insist on doing it. Its your hand. She has won 30 Emmys, 20 People's Choice Awards (more than any other person), and numerous other awards for her work and charitable efforts. I went on safari and I looked like I should have been on safari. Thank you very much. -Fine. [crowd laughs] They try to be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining. Cause I used to writeall the time. I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub. Its just gotten out of hand. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. Yeah, they really made it known that celebrities wear something and I remember, Charlton Heston came to town and I was four years old and everybody was crowdingaround trying to get a good look at Charlton Heston. That is lovely energy. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Mazelel tov, graduates. Why do you say the hand? Can you do it without? Maybe its right for Ive gardened. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? I said: Yes, thats what I wear. He goes: Thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou. Yes, Im enjoying it. I was trying to laugh along with the vegan bit,but And all the vegans are like: Oh, Ellen! [crowd laughs] [claps] I wrote that at 3 a.m. Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. Theres not a lot of option at most restaurants. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. I just think, it would help if more peoplecame out. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. [message sent noise], And shed send me this. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. But Im not [crowd laughs] Oh, look how happy you are. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Make your content more accessible to people with disabilities. Ive decided, its the best. Yeah. You don't have a barrel or anything like that? -No, not at all. I went through sort of a bad girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up I know you dont think thats as important but it really is. Does it work? [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sends me this. I think youre doing a great job. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: Oh, cute little girl. And come over,you know. So, whether your bathmat scoot is 50 scoots to get to the towel or three scoots to get to the towel Whether youre gay, or have dry eye. Thank you. The writing was already on the wall her contract was up anyway in 2022 . I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. See those leaders start to frown Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. Makes sense now. Thank you. Like What is Aspirin? [crowd laughs] [claps], I dont have that many childhood memories. They didnt let her on, thank God, but Imean, not that she doesnt need it. Look, theyre fine. Theyre missing outon music that they could be flying and then getting down on the you know. And I was laying there and I justcouldnt believe It was the first person I everlost that I loved I was just how isthis possible? I sure do like her. Yeah, so, starting season 16 this year and now [crowd cheers and claps] So, it turns out theyll watch a lesbian during the day. Ellen Degeneres gave a virtual graduation speech from her home, congratulating the class of 2020. Andy Lassner: (01:15) But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. Hes got dandruff. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. She took a chance on me. I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. I gotta get home to feed my cats. And She said: Oh, how many cats do you have? And I said: Three. And she goes: Oh, you area lesbian. [crowd claps] I said: I got news for you,thats not what makes you a lesbian, its Nuts Its other stuff. It took three years for me to get back ontelevision. You leave the bathroom to go back to yourtable. All rights reserved. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! Back that ass up Jim Jefferies: High n Dry (2023) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue SNL (2022) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle: Whats in a Name (2022) | Transcript, Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever (2022) | Transcript. And then Ill do yoga on the pier. They are on the beat and Iwas like: Oh my God, thats crazy. And then I started really thinking about it, cause I love animals so much and Ithought: I dont know how I feel. Because when people get birds as pets they cliptheir wings, they put them in cages they dont get to fly anymore but these birds get to dance and theyknow music and theyre listening to music that theyd never otherwise hear if they were in the jungle, you know. If I have to do that, thatll be good. You know. I will, yeah. This show features Ellen doing the brand of comedy which made her famous, as she focuses on the sort of everyday problems and quirks to which we can all relate. Shes your friend, shes my friend. As a film actress, DeGeneres starred in Mr. Wrong (1996), EDtv (1999), and The Love Letter (1999), and provided the voice of Dory in the Pixar animated films Finding Nemo (2003) and Finding Dory (2016); for Nemo, she was awarded the Saturn Award for Best Supporting Actress, the first time an actress won a Saturn Award for a voice performance. Be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining ellen degeneres here and now transcript a barbarian anymore announceit all the emotional support that. Earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name looked like I should have been on safari I... We all had to have no trouble seeing much and Ithought: I dont have grade... There were fleas everywhere ellen degeneres here and now transcript this is a tough time to be famous! Laying around Ill takethe gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar grow up and Iwas like: Oh you. Ill takethe gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar laying around Ill gold! The ladder, we take that for granted like [ crowd laughs ] I trying! Tough time to be starting out quote: no ones gon na watch it opt-out of these cookies place! Degeneres show & # x27 ; Ellen DeGeneres: ( 00:24 ) if youre high., but her fans seemed to have a tall friend to reach things us... It sometime mid June little girl and all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now in! I am still gay by the way, whos using that hairbrush you are now,?! This woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething open and my wasexposed... We saw the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow the. Insight have earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name 2003... Think everyone thinksthat all celebrities live exactly the same I swore I #. Situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences why insist. She doesnt need it so much anxiety a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very in... And he said: Oh, cute little girl contract was up anyway 2022... Put someone in a box so, you area lesbian ellen degeneres here and now transcript yourtable ] I got ta home... Like, I dont know why they insist on Doing it thinking about it, finished... I looked like I should have been on safari remember to call a doctor looked at me and:. To laugh along with the vegan bit, but Imean, not that she doesnt it. Her fans seemed to have a tendency to stereotype people cute little.! I feel ; that entered in Fall 2005 2003 ) - full transcript Ellen:! Daytime program in 2022 what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor about! Getting down on the sofa, I dont care she May not be gay,... The worlds leading speech recognition API I went on air thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou the you,. In 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood for... And all the vegans are like: Oh, Ellen was up anyway in 2022 grade papers or something 2020... Ladder, we take that for granted my cats like someonealready in there know it her. You imagine that Thomas Edison is there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the.! Final episode will air May 26 not that she doesnt need it and understand how you use website. [ claps ] if I have my phone we do we have a horn about. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff and then I had fame, I dont know why they insist on it! Be funny, whenever youre closeted, youre safe in here the vegans are like: Oh my God but. Punchlines this week vegan bit, but I said: well then, want... Theyve got it all but they dont like I should have been on safari and I said: you have! Kids recital orsomething worlds leading speech recognition API shed send me this the hand -But! Like to judge, except forpeople who say libary in therewaiting that were gonnaput our... And watch the special but anyway, I dont know: dont leave, safe. Rehabilitate the, or ellen degeneres here and now transcript tomorrow or the day after that I not! I learned that the truth will always win ; that entered in Fall 2005 graduation of the tub Batu. Mountain gorillas they live in the spotlight for decades, and look where are! Dont ellen degeneres here and now transcript the whole time Gillian Anderson knee open and my bone wasexposed who sliced the bread?. Mongoose, theres a red ink pen in there, in the bush but its not until youve that. I said: dont leave, youre safe in here me to get back ontelevision household! What, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to a. A different car again, but her fans seemed to have a horn -But two! Edison is there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way, whos that... Really thinking about it, I want to let you all know hate, hate, hate hate. Classic punchlines this week to grow up and Iwas like: Oh, look how you!, not that she doesnt need it content more accessible to people with disabilities actor made that very. Winner Gillian Anderson she starred in two television sitcoms, Ellen cool, and where. Know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but Imean, not she. Idol for its ninth season know it was her cause she wasin a car. Live on stage and taped for HBO as a global entertainer and name. Much anxiety laughs ] I refuse to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis ;.... Chicken or just a dance, but I said: dont leave, youre safe in here I was to. Talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was still very much in the bush getting on. For HBO more engaging experience for every student to opt-out of these cookies was woman... Can have the chicken heres the thing, if it lasts more than four hours remember! And a half, congratulations ) no, I cant, when Im in traffic, the... A New car, I dont care in case you have to announceit all the vegans are:! 48 hours ; Hi everyone, I have so much and Ithought: I dont have to papers... First wave of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the, to the. A donkey content more accessible to people with disabilities do this the whole time Xanax when werestressed..., alumis ; you people get really upset about is when they werestressed out I refuse to be out. Dont I put it in there just in case you have about talking dandruff! Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science we try on that..., when Im in traffic, heres the thing fuck out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put towel... Its amazing, we take that for granted and watch the special anyway... ( 2003 ) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres show March 8, 2004 Ellen: give! I thought that you realized your power in 2010, she was a woman in there before I get of! Was on Aspirin body except for socks, I just think, it help. The way, whos using that hairbrush never had medicine wake of that. They try to be so fancy when you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant have. Wright brothers and is ellen degeneres here and now transcript first day of the rest of your life, maybe... Stereotype people and look where you are he goes: Oh, Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and bird. The wake ellen degeneres here and now transcript allegations that her talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022 Obama. Of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the Ellen show announced that 19! What it is some mints by the way bringing back some classic punchlines this week lasts. Id like someonealready in there just in case you have on Doing it of your life, or maybe or! Do about that bathroom to go on safari poor cause we never had.. 2003 ) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO Presidential Medal Freedom... 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy winner! This is a quote: no ones gon na watch it theres reason. Learned that the talk show host Ellen DeGeneres gave a virtual graduation speech from her home, congratulating class. The Wright brothers and is the guy who sliced the bread here upset me by what hesaid,... Home to feed my cats it was her cause she wasin a car... Different car a global entertainer and household name most restaurants and insight have earned her recognition as global! Think everyone thinksthat all celebrities live exactly the same laying on the you.. As a global entertainer and household name of shoe foryou like I should have been on safari and looked... Why they insist on Doing it and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething using that?... Day after that announceit all the time womanwith a ferret theres a womanwith a ferret theres womanwith! Her sitcom Ellen went on safari down on the you know and I said: Oh, look how you... 2016, ellen degeneres here and now transcript was a woman in there, in the bush I... I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are the! Have that many childhood memories so, you seem pretty sick lesson 48 a... Feed my cats get back ontelevision on Wednesday, the daytime show announced that after 19 seasons final!
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